Conduct

Childish stubbornness. Stubborn child


'Why is my son so stubborn?' This is one of the questions that parents have surely heard, shared or asked about their children. What can we do to control this behavior? Can this behavior be changed?

If we start from the premise that children are not born stubborn, but rather they are made, there is no doubt that it is some educational circumstances that receive what they are taught and lead them to be stubborn.

A stubborn, stubborn or capricious child is one who does not accept orders, suggestions, requests, or advice. He disagrees with everything, and is contrary.

He is an impulsive child, who tries to conquer space for his own will. Stubbornness is the refusal of all human contact through a withdrawal towards oneself. They are, for example, children who get 'upset' in a corner because they do not want to pick up the toys, or because they do not want to eat what they put on the table, or because they do not want to play what they propose. The next step is resistance, that is, the famous tantrums.

Obedience, like any other value, is also learned in education. If the child does not learn to have limits, from an early age, when he awakens his conscience, he will not accept any kind of limit and will become stubborn and obstinate. An example of this is the positive attitude shown by some parents when their children, still very young, hit and hit another. To this attitude, parents say phrases like 'this one will know how to defend itself'.

When the child grows up and continues doing the same, what used to 'amuse' the parents, now worries them. Then the child will ask himself: 'why was this very funny before and now they punish me for it?' When they want to set limits, the child will feel that they are being unfair to him.

How have we gone wrong in education so that our child has become a stubborn child? It is absolutely normal that in certain periods, between 3 and 4 years of age, the child is stubborn. At this age, the child discovers his 'I' and with it his own will. The problem is when stubbornness persists and invades other stages of the child.

1- Limits are a call 'to order' of this impulse. Clear boundaries, applied with understanding and patience, are necessary to find the balance between parents and children.

2- Do not allow or accept the stubbornness of the child. If we allow it, she will be installed forever in your life.

3- Differentiate stubbornness from anger. A child, like any other person, has the right to be angry, to disagree, but it is necessary to avoid that this becomes a stubborn and obstinate attitude.

4- If the child is stubborn, that parents do not act in the same way with him or with each other.

5- Do not use force or physical punishment to combat the stubbornness of children.

6- Provides the child with an education based on values like respect, patience, kindness, tolerance, etc. It is useless for parents to use argument, unbridled authority, humiliation and anger to educate their children and then demand otherwise. You must educate yourself by example. Children need "positive mirrors" to look into.

7- That the parents have the same degree of demand as for your children. Stubbornness and resistance, well managed, have great values. Resistance should be expected from every healthy child when he believes that his natural rights are undermined. Let's not put limits on everything, because we will clip the wings to imagination and creativity. Life asks people to claim and defend their rights.

Source consulted:
- "The stubbornness", by Teodoro Hernández Moya (San José de Villafranca de los Barros school)

- "Three serious defects and their remedy: the stubborn child, the liar and the petty thief", by Ernst Ell.
- "The Happy Boy", by Dorothy Corkille Briggs.

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