Just as the one who raises his voice is no more right, the one who shouts will not achieve better results. Not much less. Perhaps the opposite. Shouting can have two origins: either a loss of patience or because we firmly believe that it generates authority and discipline. But no matter what the origin is. In both cases, they are useless.
We explain (scientifically) why screaming does not serve as a model of education. It's more: the child's brain does not learn when they yell at it.
The screams are like spears, like poisoned darts. Maybe we think that the child reacts to them because he 'learns the lesson', and he is not. You react because it hurts and because you are afraid. He reacts because they just hurt him and he doesn't want them to do it again. But it does not learn. Your brain crashes.
We could explain the 'educational' version of why the child will only obey when shouting out of fear and not out of respect or empathy. But there is an even more powerful reason why you decide to eliminate screaming from your life: a chemical reason. This is the explanation and the many reasons that science gives us to try to avoid yelling at our children:
1. The brain learns best in a safe environment and protection. And not just children. Numerous studies have shown that adults also work and perform better in a 'friendly' environment, where respect prevails over yelling.
2. Before the screams, the emotion of fear is activated, and this blocks an area in the amygdala that prevents the passage of new information. The amygdala, remember, is responsible, among other things, for regulating emotions. It stores and regulates them (yes, that warehouse full of folders that the movie 'Inside Out'ç showed). According to Justin Feinsten, a scientist at the University of Iowa (USA), when the amygdala detects a danger (such as screaming), it activates a response that pushes us away from the threat.
3. When screaming, the brain activates a kind of 'survival mode'. The area of the limbic system where the amygdala is, deploys a kind of 'shield' to protect itself from screaming.
4. Screaming directly affects the amygdala. The amygdala is like a 'sentinel of emotions', and responsible for activating vigilance or common sense in us, or giving the order to 'escape' in case of danger. It does so through neurotransmitters that activate substances such as dopamine, adrenaline, glucorticoids ...
5. The amygdala is also responsible for storing memories related to emotions. The screams will generate negative memories in the memory. And yes, according to the conclusions of numerous neuroscientific studies, the amygdala plays an important role in learning during childhood.
And good. It doesn't mean you can't scream. You can do it, yes, as a way to escape your stress, your anguish, as a vital outlet. But not as an educational weapon. Not in front of the children. You can open the window and scream. You can climb a mountain and scream. You release fears, fears, and release accumulated anger and stress. Before your children, take a deep breath, count to 10, and change the scream for something more effective and instructive.
There are many more positive education methods that benefit children's learning. They do not serve as a means of escape from our stress, of course. They require a commitment and a lot of patience on the part of parents:
- Emotional education
A child capable of managing his emotions in every situation is a happy child, capable of coping with situations of stress or conflict. If you educate your child's emotions, it will be easier for you to impose rules and limits.
- Sandwich technique
It is a positive education technique that consists of exposing positive qualities of the child before asking for a change in his behavior, ending with positive words of confidence in him to reinforce his self-esteem.
- Earning the respect of children
You don't have to yell to earn the respect of children. Discipline and authority are enough, but without shouting or threats.
- Generate more empathy in them
Empathy will make them understand why we ask them for one thing or another. They will know how to 'read' our emotions and understand why sometimes we can be stressed and lose our nerves.
- Build a solid foundation of rules and limits
A good base of rules and limits will make children obey without shouting, since they will have assumed what they cannot do under any circumstances.
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