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In general, divorce is very traumatic for children, but if the spouses find it unbearable not to separate, staying together would be a deception for everyone, a family sham and, probably, children would suffer much more watching daily arguments and a lack of love or obvious affection, that if the divorce were consummated.
It is clear that divorce is not good and, many times, depending on how the separation develops, it can mean a difficult pain to overcome for the children. For this reason, first of all, avoid bringing children into conflict. It is important for their emotional stability that parents know how to differentiate between the role of a couple and the role of father and / or mother.
It would be ideal for the children to be informed about the situation of marital breakdown in an appropriate way, according to the age of each one, that the children of their father or mother were not spoken badly, that the children were given time to assimilate and understand the new reality, that the children feel safe, and that all have a professional orientation and advice to help them communicate and solve the problem. It would also be important that the parents themselves will inform directly to their children about their separation process and that they do not find out from third parties.
- Discuss the situation clearly. Explain to your child that mom and dad can no longer and don't want to live together and that from now on they will live in different houses.
- Explain what separation is and its consequences. Talk to your children about the reality of the separation, being careful not to blame anyone.
- Consolidate ties of love and affection. Repeatedly assure your children that you both continue to love them the same or more than before. The father or mother who does not have custody can see them whenever they want.
- Respect the routine of your children. Keep your child's usual routine unchanged: home, environment, relationships with friends, school, schedules, etc.
- Avoid blaming. Assure your children that they have no responsibility in the divorce. They are not guilty'. The responsibility belongs to mom and dad alike.
- Talk about a definitive situation. Explain clearly that the divorce is final, that there is no possibility of going back.
- Keep positive opinions. Try to protect your child's positive opinions of both parents.
- Facilitate your child's relationship with the other parent. By being flexible in visiting hours and giving in on designated dates, you will help your child maintain his emotional references.
- Share concerns and tasks. Discuss with the non-custodial parent everything related to the education and health of your child.
- Children are not objects. Fight not to appropriate them and yes for their freedom.
- Affection and presence. It is necessary to be with them to give them love.
- You are still father. Fight for your children out of love and not out of hatred or resentment.
- You are an example for them. Children will continue to learn from your behavior. Behave well. If what you want is respect, respect your child.
- Value the importance of both. Children need father and mother. No matter how humiliated, unprotected you may find yourself, no one can give your child what he needs, only his parents. For them, the father and mother are unique and irreplaceable.
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